Bookworm: Never Split the Difference

‘Negotiating as if your life depended on it’ will pay dividends in business, write

Chris Voss and Tahl Raz.

Who are the authors?

Chris Voss is an ex-hostage negotiator and FBI agent; Tahl Raz is a writer specialising in business. It’s hard to imagine a more formidable pair authoring a book about negotiation.

Do I need to be in some kind of hostage situation to put their advice into practice?

No. As Voss points out, while the stakes may be higher in hostage negotiation, the principles are no different to the ones you would apply when trying to persuade a toddler to go to bed. And they are therefore no different to the ones you would apply in business, which is the area in which the authors are most interested.

No matter where or what we're negotiating, it's valuable to have an understanding of the human psyche.

How does one become a good negotiator, then?

One of the fundamental blocks on which negotiation is built is trust. A surprisingly basic trick that Voss and Raz reveal is that someone is more likely to trust you and treat you more kindly if, when listening to them, you use mirroring: you repeat what they are saying back to them.

Don’t take this to ludicrous extremes, of course, but practise echoing what someone is saying and you should find that they open up. A Richard Wiseman study mentioned in the book concluded that waiters who mirrored what customers said received 70% more tips than those who simply said things such as “great”.

Is there anything else to it?

Another thing to do is to engage in a kind of acting, varying our tone of voice according to the situation. If, for example, we are indeed carrying out a hostage negotiation, presenting as calm – even if we do not feel calm – will be extremely valuable.

Most of the time we won’t be in such a high-pressure situation, though, so instead will be relying on a convincingly playful tone of voice, helping our interlocutors feel that whatever is going on, it’s enjoyable.

And once we’ve gained someone’s trust…

They will be more comfortable giving you information. One of those bits of information might be the result they want to reach by the end of the negotiation. Because this is a negotiation, it’s unlikely to be the result that we desire.

Don’t rush into an agreement, say Voss and Raz; don’t ‘split the difference’. Instead, be as patient as you possibly can and try to get as much information as possible from the person you’re talking to.

And don’t give them what they want?

Try not to think of it that way. Using ‘tactical empathy’, we must attempt to convince the other person that we are giving them what they need, even if it isn’t what they originally wanted. Listen to the emotion in their voice, acknowledge it and patiently work out what it will take for the person to cede to your side of the argument. 

It's not about manipulating people, it's about helping both parties come to the best conclusion and the best outcome.

How much is this about thinking on our feet?

Well, another crucial piece of advice that Voss and Raz impart is that you should be prepared for extremity.

Don’t go into a negotiation scenario with a carefully structured game plan, because it is likely to go south in seconds. Instead, use the principles above and you will be equipped to parry any missiles flying your way.

What am I most likely to say after reading this book?

“I’d like to delve deeper into the human psyche.”

What am I least likely to say after reading this book?

“Let’s split the difference.”