Nutshell: Do you know how to ask questions – and really listen to the answers?

Understanding the value of asking questions will help us in job interviews – and in in all facets of our working life. But we also need to listen to the answers.

Asking questions is fundamental to how we build understanding, unlock opportunities and make progress through life. It’s clearly integral to job interviews process, helping us to assess candidates’ skills, experience and suitability for the role.

But what makes a good question? And how do we even begin to answer that?

Let’s look first to Socrates, the original ‘questioner of everything’. If we were simply in the market for interesting dialogue, rather than enhanced productivity and better relationships, we might embrace the Socratic method.

Asking questions to stimulate critical thinking and draw out ideas and underlying presuppositions is certainly interesting, but it's also risky. In fact, the rigour of Socrates’ questions made the Athenian assembly so uncomfortable, they voted to put him to death – a fate he considered a better option than cowardice or hypocrisy, but still not ideal.

What we need, then, is not just a plethora of interesting questions (and we probably do all need to ask more…) but the ability to ask the right things of the right people in the right way. And as any journalist, doctor or lawyer would tell you, this is a skill we can hone.

Unlocking the power of questions – or how to be more Einstein

Albert Einstein said: “If I had an hour to solve a problem and my life depended on the solution, I would spend the first 55 minutes determining the proper question to ask, for once I know the proper question, I could solve the problem in less than five minutes.”

Many of us focus on having ‘the right answer’, rather than identifying the right question. But in doing so, we miss out on a powerful ally.

In their article The Surprising Power of Questions, professors Alison Wood Brooks and Leslie K John of Harvard Business School draw on insights from behavioural science to make a persuasive case for the value of questions:

“[Questioning] spurs learning and the exchange of ideas, it fuels innovation and better performance, it builds trust among team members. And it can mitigate business risk by uncovering unforeseen pitfalls and hazards," they write.

Asking questions also improves our emotional intelligence, which, in turn, makes us better questioners.

Brooks and John offer the following tips for raising our game:

Favour follow-up questions

While there are many types of question, follow-up questions (for example, “can you tell me more about…?”) seem to have a special power as they signal to the speaker that we are actively listening, care and want to know more. When we interact with someone who asks us a lot of follow-up questions, we tend to feel respected and heard.

Know when to keep questions open-ended

Personal creativity and organisational innovation rely on a willingness to seek out novel information. Open questions are a catalyst for this, requiring more than a “yes” or “no response” and often leading us to hidden or unexpected answers.

However, if we are in a tense negotiation or dealing with people who tend to be guarded, open questions may leave room for them to dodge the ball or lie by omission. In such situations, closed questions tend to work better.

Get the sequence right

The right order for asking questions depends on the circumstances. For example, asking tough questions first, even if it feels socially awkward, can encourage others to disclose more sensitive information. Brooks and John give the following example:

“When a question asker begins with a highly sensitive question – such as ‘have you ever had a fantasy of doing something terrible to someone?’ – subsequent questions, such as ‘have you ever called in sick to work when you were perfectly healthy?’ feel, by comparison, less intrusive, and thus we tend to be more forthcoming.”

However, there is always a risk of causing offence with an intrusive question, so, if we are seeking to build relationships rather than negotiate tough encounters, opening with less sensitive questions and escalating up rather than down is likely to be more effective.

Use the right tone

Often, we are more forthcoming when questions are asked in a casual way. Similarly, being given an escape hatch or ‘out’ in a conversation may encourage us to open up. For example, if we are told we can change our answers at any point, even though we rarely go on to do so, we are often less likely to hold back.

Pay attention to group dynamics

Conversational dynamics can change profoundly depending on whether we are talking one on one or in a group. Once part of a group, we tend to follow one another’s lead. It only takes a few closed-off people for questions to lose their probing power, but the opposite is also true. As soon as one person starts to open up, the rest of us are likely to follow suit.

Types of question and what they can do for us

Mosaic’s white paper, Active Listening & Effective Questioning, lists a range of question types with different purposes’,

The funnel starts very wide with open questions:

Open questions gather information and facts, e.g. “What sort of concerns and worries do you have about this situation?”. They are useful at the outset, as they put the person we are speaking to at ease and identify areas to investigate at a later stage in the discussion.

Probing and hypothetical questions then fill in the missing information, increase understanding and suggest additional ways of thinking about the situation:

Probing questions gain additional detail, e.g. “Can you explain why that matters?”.

Hypothetical questions introduce new approaches and ideas, e.g. “If you could get additional funding or resources, how might that help?”.

Finally, the question funnel closes in on a conclusion using reflective questions to ensure that all the main issues have been considered. Then, closing questions help to produce an agreed way forward:

Reflective questions check understanding, e.g. “So, would you prioritise the most critical areas for attention first and make sure that everyone knew what was most important?”.

Closing questions bring agreement, commitment and conclusion, e.g. “When will you talk to your team and the client about this?”.

Other question types may be more of a double-edged sword. For instance, leading questions, which imply there is only one acceptable response, do not necessarily elicit honest answers.

Asking “You will be able to work late if required?” as opposed to “Are you able to work late if required?” can load on pressure.

In job interviews, our question funnel may begin in non-threatening way with broad open questions before narrowing these to elicit specific details with follow-up and probing questions (including some that assess a candidate’s critical thinking).

The T.E.D model can be used in conjunction with a probing question to gain context and detail which is unique to the interviewee’s perspective and experiences:

Tell me more…
Explain…
Describe…

Adding “Walk me through..” gives them a chance to outline a practical example of a specific process or scenario.

For example:

Tell me more about the scope of your role as team lead.
Explain how you have helped to motivate and develop your team.
Describe the skills a manager needs to support team members’ development.
Walk me through the review or appraisal process that you currently use.

Active listening

Effective questioning is an important part of ‘active listening’ – which we use to demonstrate to the speaker that their message is both received and understood.

Active listening is the process of giving our full attention to someone as they speak, and paraphrasing and reflecting back what they say, while withholding judgement and advice.

In a job interview, the interaction becomes more ‘give and take’ encouraging the candidate to move beyond standard answers and respond authentically. Where both parties listen actively it builds mutual trust and rapport.

We practise active listening to comprehend what is being said, to collaborate in solving problems, and also to offer support and empathy to the speaker. It involves giving feedback, both verbal and non-verbal (smiling, making eye contact, leaning in and mirroring). And it requires patience; for example, not butting in to fill periods of silence and not jumping in with our own ideas and opinions.

Rather than listening to reply, we must listen to hear what other people are saying and be fully open to having our minds changed in the process. Listening is a sign of self-confidence, signifying that we are willing to accept the best answer to a problem, rather than bullishly sticking with our own solution or ideas.

It’s not always easy, so the five stages of active listening provide a useful framework:

Testing understanding
Questioning
Building
Feedback
Summarising

Testing understanding is how we clarify what the speaker has said. A simple way of doing this is to rephrase the key points and put them back to the speaker, taking care neither to echo their exact words, nor to distort their meaning. For example:

“Can I just clarify?”; “You’re saying that…”; “My understanding is that…”; “Let me make sure I’ve got this right. You’re saying…”

Testing our understanding in this way makes clear we’ve received and understood the message. It also makes the speaker feel heard and valued, which can boost their confidence and morale.

Questioning the speaker may be necessary to gather more background detail, facts and figures or other information pertinent to decision-making. It enables the speaker to take a pause and arrange their information into more manageable chunks, so that it’s easier for all listeners to absorb and digest.

Note that questions beginning ‘who/where/when’ tend to be open and facilitative, while ‘what/how/why’ questions are more analytical, closing down discussions.

Meanwhile, acknowledging the speaker’s feelings shows sensitivity as well as eliciting more information. For example:

“You seem excited about the prospect of working in this sector; could you tell me more about your interest in sustainability?”

Building on the speaker’s proposal with thoughts of our own, while taking care not to hijack the original idea, is important too. A simple way of doing this is to highlight the aspects we like with an acknowledging phrase (such as “That’s a great point!”) and then share associated ideas or facts. For example:

“What you said about job sharing is really interesting. I think we should discuss this further…”; “Your thoughts on X sparked off some ideas and I’d like to propose we…”

Feedback gives us the chance to reflect back to the speaker how their message has affected our own emotions. It also enables us to check that we have understood their sentiments, and allows for empathy. Plus, it gives the speaker a chance to correct any misconceptions at source.

Feedback should always be non-judgemental, clear, honest, immediate and brief.

Summarising clarifies and reinforces the message for both listener and speaker. It finishes off one subject, creating the opportunity to move on to another and giving the speaker the chance to correct us if we summarise inaccurately. For example:

“So, let’s recap what has been said and agreed.”; “Ok, let me note down the key points we’ve discussed.”

It may be appropriate to do this after each defined topic, especially when a decision has been taken. However, it’s sometimes preferable to save the summarising to the very end of the discussion, going over any notes to collate what has been said and agreed.

Barriers to good listening

Of course, unfamiliarity with this five-step formula is not the only reason we struggle to hear what others say. The space between ourselves and others may be littered with unhelpful attitudes, assumptions and biases, and to get around or over them requires empathy.

In their seminal article Barriers and Gateways, published in Harvard Business Review in 1952, Carl R Rogers and F J Roethlisberger were among the first researchers to promote the importance of listening and empathy in the workplace. This was controversial at the time, given the strict workplace hierarchies of the 1950s.

To quote Rogers: “Through my experience in counselling and psychotherapy, I’ve found that there is one main obstacle to communication: people’s tendency to evaluate. Fortunately, I’ve also discovered that if people can learn to listen with understanding, they can mitigate their evaluative impulses and greatly improve their communication with others.”

We all have a natural urge to judge, evaluate and approve or disapprove of other people’s statements, an urge that may be heightened in situations where feelings and emotions run deep. This blocks interpersonal communication.

To open the gateway, we need to listen with understanding – something which, Rogers argues, requires us to consider the idea expressed and the other person’s attitude from their point of view. This gives us a sense of how it feels to that person and enables us to understand their frame of reference regarding the subject being discussed.

However, it is far from easy and it takes courage. As an exercise, Rogers suggests that the next time we are in an argument, we restate to the other person what we understand their view to be, before giving our own; a process he describes as an “understanding catalyst”. If this sounds familiar, it’s because it’s item number one on the active listening checklist.

It was actually Rogers, along with his colleague Richard Farson, who coined the term “active listening” in their 1957 paper of the same name. They suggested that listening actively could make people “more emotionally mature, more open to their experiences, less defensive, more democratic, and less authoritarian”.

For Rogers, the potential of active listening was unbounded. He posited the prospect of better relationships between workers and bosses – and even between countries on opposite sides of a conflict – were they only to listen and learn.

Silencing the inner critic

While the emphasis that Rogers and Roethlisberger placed on feelings and empathy was radical at the time, today their insights seem almost obvious. So, why are we still not getting it right?

In What Gets in the Way of Listening, Amy Jen Su and Muriel Maignan Wilkins suggest it’s the voice of our own inner critic that may be to blame.

Just like evaluating, monitoring how we are performing in an interview, meeting or presentation can overshadow our ability to hear the underlying meaning of points raised by others, or to miss their cues to move swiftly along.

So, to be a good listener, we also need to put aside our fear and anticipation of what may get thrown our way; we need to stop thinking about ‘getting a good grade’ and start actively listening. Remember: we need to be prepared to have our mind changed – or even to be changed – by what we hear.

Other barriers to effective communication may arise from the growing complexity of today’s business environment.

Greater diversity in the workforce is both necessary and valuable, but colleagues who have fewer shared experiences may be more likely to make assumptions and judge one another, which means greater potential for misunderstanding.

In addition, we all have unhelpful listening habits which can be difficult to break.

Becoming distracted, daydreaming or only pretending to pay attention; asking about unimportant details and missing the bigger picture; ignoring what we don’t understand instead of asking focused questions. These are all bad habits that we need to shake off. Hijacking the story with our own examples and anecdotes is also a major no-no.

There are also factors that we can’t control, such as workplace culture and how much a company values good communication. Melissa Daimler, who has led global learning and organisational development at Adobe, Twitter and WeWork, suggests that while listening is a powerful leadership tool, it works best in organisations that make time for it.

Fast-growing or fast-changing companies with ever-evolving teams and priorities may gain most from mastering the skill of active listening – or “360 listening” as Daimler calls it. In her opinion, “this is where the magic happens”.

In a world of sponges, be a trampoline

As the philosopher Michel de Montaigne proposed, “speech belongs half to the speaker, half to the listener” – and we cannot shirk our part.

By listening actively rather than passively ‘soaking it up’, we are better placed to understand and empathise with others. For Christine M Riordan, provost and professor of management at the University of Kentucky, this ability and willingness to listen actively and with empathy is often what sets a great leader apart from the pack.

Those who engage with others rather than endlessly debating, and who take the time to hear and learn, are most likely to elevate and energise those around them. And it is these ‘trampolines’ who will overtake the ‘sponges’ as they progress in their careers.

We just need to put down our phones, stop ‘waiting to speak’ and show the person speaking that they have our full attention. Who knows what we might discover?

Test your understanding

Outline the T.E.D model – and how it can be used in conjunction with probing questions.
Highlight the five stages of active listening.

What does it mean for you?

Practise asking interview questions in a funnel style, moving from open questions and narrowing these to elicit detailed information.
Try active listening according to the five-stage framework.