Superman, the Dalai Lama and coaching pioneer Sir John Whitmore walk into a boardroom... Not the beginning of a bad joke, but the cast of an important lesson in effective leadership.
As many a successful leader would tell us, when we have an employee who is struggling, or a team member to inspire, it’s not a hero — or a guru — we need, but an effective coach. And yet we’ve probably all been tempted into full-on rescue mode, sweeping in to save the day with a firm “just leave it to me; I’ll do it”. Or to set out a proscribed path with such determined zeal that we fail to engage with why the person is struggling or feeling uninspired in the first place.
Instead, we could try a much more productive approach; that of taking time to ask questions and encouraging people to come up with their own solutions — otherwise known as coaching.
As pioneer of the executive coaching industry (and British racing driver) Sir John Whitmore describes it, coaching is “unlocking people’s potential to maximise their own performance”.
Coaching is not just for the specialists who coax elite performances out of top sportspeople or big company CEOs. It’s an approach that can reap big rewards in the workplace for all leaders and their people. So, let’s cast aside the cape and robes, step into John Whitmore’s shoes, and get ready to take the subject of coaching for a spin.
In the past, leaders who rose up through the ranks understood how their businesses worked and were able direct and develop their employees to write new chapters of the same success story. However, in a world of constant change and disruption, the story is not just unpredictable, it can also switch genre.
Passing on our hard-earned knowledge is no longer enough. Instead, we must enable those we lead to adapt, innovate, and figure out their own solutions. In other words, a leader’s role has become that of coach as well as manager.
Unlike the more directive role of mentor, which focuses on sharing experience and advising and guiding from the position of ‘knowing a lot’, the role of coach is non-directive. It focuses on asking instead of telling, and on enhancing awareness from a position where we might ‘know nothing’. This can be a hard mantle to assume, but when we do it well it can bring significant benefits — and not just to those we lead.
A coaching approach can be highly motivating for employees as it gives them an important sense of agency and helps them to link their own values and goals to organisational priorities. And it’s also an important tool for our own self-development, because it requires us to practise key skills such as listening, questioning, setting goals and giving good feedback — which means it’s a real win-win.
As Seneca might say, “Even while they teach, men learn.” Although being an intellectual in mid-first century Rome probably involved different pressures to those experienced in a busy contemporary workplace, where changes come faster than a speeding quadriga. So, as well as embracing the win-win of coaching it’s wise to master the basics.
In their Harvard Business Review article, The Leader as Coach, London Business School Professor Herminia Ibarra and Meyler Campbell co-founder Anne Scoular identify three hallmarks of a coaching style of leadership:
Asking questions rather than providing answer
Supporting employees rather than judging them
Facilitating development rather than dictating what must be done
One high profile example of this is provided by Microsoft’s Satya Nadella, who took the reins as CEO in 2014.
At that time, a culture of introspection and judgement prevailed at Microsoft and the company was very risk-averse, despite the breakneck pace of technological change. Nadella recognised the need for a massive cultural shift — from being a ‘know-it-all’ company to being a ‘learn-it-all’ company. So, he solicited thoughts from everybody, listened empathetically and encouraged people to be open about their mistakes — and to learn from them.
In essence, he modelled the approach of leader-as-coach, both imparting knowledge and helping others to discover it themselves: “Listen to your customers and your employees”, he says; “they are the most important thing and define your business.”
Unfortunately though, we’re not all Nadellas by nature. And embodying the leader-as-coach approach doesn’t come easy to everyone.
For the heroes among us, a coaching approach can seem a little ‘soft’, as it deprives us of the opportunity to assert our authority. Meanwhile, for those of us who are more guru-like, the process of helping people to grow their potential may appear to be a lifetime’s work (if not the work of many lifetimes) — or at least too slow and tedious for us to invest in right now.
In fact, Ibarra and Scoular note that leaders have ranked ‘coaching’ as their least favourite of Daniel Goleman’s six leadership styles. And to compound the problem, whatever our levels of enthusiasm for coaching, most of us approach it like David Brent approaches the Red Nose Day dance-off in The Office, that is, by thinking we are better at it than we really are.
In some cases, this mismatch is rooted in a misunderstanding of what coaching really is. For example, it is not simply deciding the answer in advance and then supporting people to come to the same conclusion, although that can be the default mindset. Instead, Ibarra and Scoular recommend a simple 2 x 2 matrix comparing different styles of coaching to help reframe our thinking.
This takes place primarily through telling, with a manager sharing years of accumulated knowledge, which is absorbed by a more junior team member. Mentoring, as we’ll see below, is a more directive form of coaching. While this approach can help employees to gain a broader and deeper perspective and understanding of the business, it unleashes little energy in the person being coached — and may even depress their motivation.
This reflects the fact that when team members are working away productively, the best approach to managing them is to leave them well alone.
This is built on listening, questioning and withholding judgement. The aim here is to draw out wisdom, insight and creativity from the people who are being coached, so they develop the skills to resolve their own problems and to rise to future challenges.
Unlike directive coaching, this can be highly energising for the person being coached. As the French philosopher, mathematician, scientist, inventor and theologian Blaise Pascal observed: “People are generally better persuaded by the reasons which they have themselves discovered than by those which have come into the mind of others.”
So, even if the coachee comes up with the same idea that the coach had in mind, the fact that they have thought of it themselves means they will have a much greater sense of ownership — and thus be more committed to putting it into practice.
This involves achieving a fine balance between directive and non-directive styles according to the specific needs of the moment — an ability it can take time and experience to develop, before it comes as second nature.
So, if our goal is to move from directive to non-directive and situational coaching, how do we go about getting there?
Coaching conversations may be scheduled as part of a formal process and there are many tools and models to guide us in this, including John Whitmore’s GROW model that we describe below. However, they may also take place informally. Indeed, as leaders we should be looking for opportunities to have these coaching conversations, wherever and whenever it’s appropriate.
Whether formal or informal, the nature of these conversations should be signalled so that both parties are aware that ‘this is coaching’. This might be a simple matter of asking some signalling questions such as “Would it help to talk it through?” or “Might I act as a sounding board for you?”. We should also look out for some incoming coaching signals where the person concerned might not ask for help directly, but approach us in a more oblique way.
They might say things like “I’d like to bounce some ideas off you” or “Could you give me a sanity check?”. Their body language might also be telling us that they need some support.
Whether more or less formal or informal, there are some simple DOs and DON’Ts that will help make our coaching conversations as successful as possible.
DO be clear on what a coaching conversation actually is. DON’T confuse this with simply imparting advice
A coaching conversation is typified by a number of factors. It is intentional, and often includes some pre-thought. It is focused on the other person, their challenges, strengths and attributes. And it is designed to stimulate reflection, growth and change. If we’re not listening, it isn’t coaching.
DO take time to enable trust and respect. DON’T ignore psychological safety
If a person doesn’t feel safe and respected, they probably won’t open up to us, nor will they be fully receptive to our comments or questions. That’s why enabling trust and psychological safety is so important.
It is only once we have established trust that we can employ Radical Candor to give the people we are coaching clear, honest, non-sugar-coated feedback. Giving course correction can be vital for arresting a potentially career-derailing behaviour or for helping people to ‘get out of their own way’ but it’s a delicate matter. It may therefore help if we can appreciate the person before delivering feedback on their specific behaviour, focus on the future more than the past to avoid getting stuck in accusations and defensiveness, and avoid blame. Instead, we should make requests which can be accepted, rejected or negotiated.
The key thing is to create a dialogue, accepting that we will not have the whole story, that we don’t have all of the answers, and that we need agreement and buy-in to support learning and change.
DO ask open questions. DON’T ask leading questions, or those that can only be answered “yes” or “no”
Experienced coaches are adept at using questions to help people step outside of the ‘problem mindset’ and to look for answers in unexpected places. For this, we need open questions that encourage further reflection.
When Forbes magazine asked some of their coaching council members to share examples of their most powerful coaching questions, they included:
While it’s always helpful to have sample questions to call upon, we must be guided by the person we are coaching and follow up on what they are saying. Sticking rigidly to a predetermined script is never the answer.
DO use active listening. DON’T interrupt or be tempted to ‘fill the silence’
Giving someone our full attention can help to make clear that we are there to support them and genuinely curious about what they can achieve. We should use active listening techniques, such as paraphrasing key points and asking for clarification if anything is confusing or ambiguous. And we should summarise what’s been said, to make sure we have understood the main issues.
Pauses are fine, as they can be useful points for self-reflection and deeper thought.
DO look as well as listen. DON’T be inhibited by thinking “its rude to stare”
Tone of voice and body language can often impart additional layers of meaning beyond what is actually being said. To quote the coach and host of The 21st Century Creative Podcast, Mark McGuinness:
“The answer is right in front of you… the person’s body language tells you a huge amount about their emotional state and level of commitment, yet it’s so easy to ignore that if we are too focused on our own ideas about what needs to happen next.”
DO help people set specific goals. DON’T end the conversation without agreed actions
Coaching must have a goal or purpose. And helping the people we’re coaching to work towards that goal or purpose is crucial.
Often, this means a focus on behavioural goals and personal development, rather than organisational or departmental goals – although coaching will impact wider performance too. And one of the best tools to support this is Sir John Whitmore’s GROW coaching model.
In the late 1980s, Whitmore and his colleagues created what is now the world’s most popular coaching model for problem-solving, goal setting and performance improvement.
It has four deceptively simple steps — Goals, Reality, Options, Will (hence GROW) — and it is particularly useful when tackling a specific challenge or next step, such as addressing poor time management or preparing for a career move.
The process starts with open questions to help the coachee establish an appropriate objective.
Helpful questions might include ‘What do you want to achieve?’, ‘What does your goal mean to you?’ and ‘When will you meet your goal?’.
We should be mindful that, in everyday life, people tend not to think in terms of such big questions. So, we can consider how to make things more immediate and relevant. For example, ‘What do you want when you walk through the door that you don’t have now?’
The key to overall success is for the coachee to set goals that are inspiring and have the right level of challenge.
The coachee is then encouraged to think practically about where they are now in relation to their goal — and how they got there; what is their current reality? Helpful questions might include “On a scale of 1-10, where are you now in relation to your goal?” or “What has made you successful thus far?”. It’s also important to explore what might be getting in their way: “What support do you need to achieve your goal?”, “What challenges do you expect to encounter?” and “How might you deal with them?”.
It’s important to consider the human side of things as well as the operational, so we should be ready to ask questions that encourage people to look in this direction. Sometimes a simple “What else?” can be a really useful prompt.
The coachee is then encouraged to think of three or four things they could do that might help them to reach their goal. Helpful questions might include “What are the pros and cons of each option?” and “What factors will you use to weigh up these options?”.
Sometimes people may get bogged down in thinking there are only options A and B, or none at all. In such cases, it can be very freeing to ask, “If you had a magic wand, what would you do?”.
The coachee is then asked to rate their commitment to their goal on a scale of 1 -10 and encouraged to explore what would need to happen — or change — to get them up to a 9 or even a 10. As well as identifying practical actions, such as blocking out an hour a week, to work exclusively towards reaching their goal, the coachee should imagine how they will feel if they meet their objective. This can really help to sharpen motivation.
Finally, it’s important to agree a way for the person being coached to report on the action they have taken. And we should keep an eye on this too, as the last thing we want is for all their creativity and enthusiasm to evaporate.
Many employees welcome coaching. Indeed, when asked what contributes to better performance, many cite coaching as a factor — along with supportive management. However, we may find we meet with more success if we match our style of interaction to each person’s level of ‘readiness’.
To assist with this we can refer to Max Landsberg’s Skill/Will matrix, first introduced in his book, The Tao of Coaching. This is especially useful when coaching people for a specific challenge or task (such as making a presentation to the board of directors or applying for a new role).
The matrix works by determining the appropriate coaching role based on the coachee’s level of skill and will, where Skill depends on experience, training and understanding, and Will depends on desire to achieve, incentives, security and confidence.
While our long-term aim is to increase our team members’ skill and will, at times we are likely to encounter greater resistance. So what do we do when faced with evasion, procrastination or a forthright “no”?
Coaching involves a big investment of time, so if an employee is reluctant to participate, it’s wise to consider if the investment is actually warranted. If it is, the next thing to do is understand the reasons behind the resistance. “There is typically a logical, perfectly reasonable explanation for how the person is behaving”, says executive coach Ed Batista.
For example, the employee may feel underappreciated, they may have had a bad experience with coaching in the past, or they may be a high achiever who can’t see what they would gain from the process.
Reluctance can sometimes emerge simply because we have failed to explain the ‘why’, that is, why we are offering them coaching, what our intentions are, and what’s in it for them.
For example, a statement such as “I’d like to give you coaching on how to run meetings so that others see you as an effective leader” helps the employee to understand the reasoning and the potential benefits. In some cases, a simple explanation such as this can mark a real turning point.
Creating cultures where coaching is ‘routine’ can be especially powerful. Yet all too often, people have been conditioned to focus on processes and tasks at the expense of human relationships. And for those who are used to being told what to do, suddenly being asked what they think can be worryingly disorientating.
It is therefore useful to think of coaching not just as an individual leadership skill but as something integral to our organisational culture. And while this isn’t always easy, it can be BRIEF.
BRIEF is a strengths-based coaching framework centred on building a more proactive alliance between managers and employees. The core components are:
This involves creating a safe environment for the mutual exchange of ideas and information — and it helps to be positive. For example, asking “What is going well?” rather than “What is not working?” is more likely to make people feel validated. And even when things are not going well, asking “How did you manage to cope and hang in there?” can reinforce confidence, encouraging employees to be more open.
Other useful questions might be “How can I be helpful?” or “What would be the best use of our time today?”.
At the beginning of a coaching session, the underlying need may not be apparent, either to us as coach or to the employee. We therefore need to explore the current situation and the benefits of resolving any issues. This involves listening to what is said — and not said — and asking questions until the real need is uncovered and the employee’s wants and expectations are understood.
Useful questions might be “What are you trying to accomplish?” or “Suppose the problem is resolved, how would things be different?”.
Once we understand need, we can begin to leverage knowledge, recognising that most people already have the answers within themselves. Building on past successes and framing problems as ‘exceptions’ can help employees to view these situations with a fresh perspective, while feeling validated rather than judged.
Useful questions might be “What are your strengths in this area?” or “Where are we making progress, even a little bit?”.
This involves skilfully rehearsing employees through their plan, assuming personal leadership and being ‘part of the solution’. Employees usually have a clear sense of what needs to be done. We can support them in generating options, removing barriers and gaining commitment to change. Towards the end of the coaching conversation, the bulk of the input should be coming from the employee; a ‘power shift’ that enables them to contribute their own talents and abilities to the overall effort.
Useful questions might be “What are your thoughts on how you can handle this?” and “What is one thing that you can do to take you a step closer to your goal?”.
Coaching is a continuing cycle of observation, affirmation, action and evaluation, so we must provide the objective feedback that helps employees to improve or keeps them on the growth track.
Useful questions might be “How will you know when things have changed for the better?” and “Who will notice the change?”.
Approaches such as BRIEF can positively impact performance by helping to build trust, patience and mutual respect. This is known as solutions-focused coaching, an outcomes-orientated approach that is less about discovering weaknesses and putting them right and more about finding strengths and making them spread.
Solutions-focused coaching looks towards people’s skills, resources, qualities and capabilities, rather than their deficits, with coachees encouraged to see their own strengths in a brand-new light. As Albert Einstein noted: “No problem can be solved through the same level of consciousness that created it. We must learn to see the world anew.”
Good coaches make this possible — as do good mentors.
Typically, coaching is geared towards scaling and improvement whereas mentoring is geared more towards long-term growth. But when to choose one over the other may also depend on the person in question and the situation they find themselves in.
Mentoring often has a sharper focus on personal development and a greater emphasis on the mentor sharing their experience and knowledge. It also carries more of an expectation that we will broker introductions to people in our wider network, if we have relevant contacts and knowledge to share.
For that reason, it’s generally more directive than coaching, although it also shares many of the same skills, such as active listening and questioning. As a rule of thumb, if the ratio of speaking to listening for a coach and coachee is 20:80, that’s likely to change to 40:60 when we’re acting as a mentor. If coaching can be summed up by the phrase ask, don’t tell mentoring is more listen-ask-advise.
While experience is the bedrock of mentoring, it’s important to note that we can be mentors at any stage of our careers. For example, a more junior (and often younger) team member may mentor a more senior (and often older) colleague in a subject such as new technology.
This “reverse mentoring” can also be an inclusion builder, with mentors helping others to walk in their shoes and see the world from their different perspective.
Whatever stage we’re at, a good rapport between mentor and mentee is essential.
If we are the mentor, it’s a good idea to hold an informal introductory meeting before the process starts in earnest, so that both parties can discuss their expectations and objectives.
This will also help us to determine which aspects of our experience might be most relevant. Then, at the first formal meeting, we should spend some time explaining how the sessions will work and checking whether our mentee has any questions.
From there on in, we will call upon many of the same skills we use when coaching, but with a much greater focus on sharing our experience and knowledge. We should:
Listen carefully
Challenge with powerful questions, remembering that quality beats quantity
Offer constructive feedback, using examples and highlighting areas for development
Draw on our own experience, in a way that will guide our mentee towards identifying their own solutions
Answer questions honestly
Be ready to tap into our wider network
At the end of the cycle, we should always bring the relationship to a proper close. This involves reviewing outcomes, acknowledging successes, and thanking the mentee for their contribution to the relationship. It is also a good idea to ask for feedback, so we have an opportunity to learn and develop our own practice.
We might also consider if we too need a mentor. With this in mind, we should always aim to build a cohort of people we can turn to for advice and nurture relationships with those whose perspectives we respect. No one is too experienced or too successful to ever need a mentor.
Indeed, the point where we think we don’t need a mentor, could well be the point where we need one more than ever.
Coaching and mentoring require us acquire and deploy skills that can take time to practice and learn, whether that’s active listening, giving feedback well or developing our empathy and intuition. And while we can’t short-cut our way to developing these skills, we can set out on in the right direction by remembering the fundamentals.
For example, we can fight the temptation to solve everything ourselves in hero mode. Or to set out the guru’s path without first checking in with our team members to ask where it is they actually want (or need) to go. We can remember to listen more and talk less and when we’re tempted to make a statement, to instead ask a question. And we can consider our own coaching style and how to flex it to overcome resistance.
Get it right and we’ll be building trust, engagement and empowerment while helping our team members to lead happier working lives. In the words of the incomparable Ted Lasso, “success is not about the wins and losses. It's about helping these young fellas be the best versions of themselves on and off the field.”
And that best version is our job to find.
Outline the four styles of coaching identified by Ibarra and Scoular.
Explain the G (Goal) phase of the GROW coaching model.
Describe why BRIEF is considered to be a strengths-based coaching model.
Consider how you might encourage more informal coaching conversation with your team. What signalling questions might you use?