According to emotional intelligence (EQ) guru, Daniel Goleman, IQ is just an “entry level requirement” in the modern workplace. To truly prevail, we need to build our EQ too.
The idea that our emotions influence our behaviours and actions is not new.
From ancient philosophers such as Plato and Aristotle to the pioneers of psychology such as Abraham Maslow, any number of thinkers have looked to explore and explain our emotions in the service of everything from personal wellbeing to relationships and even organisational success.
But the field that became known as emotional intelligence (EQ) in the 1990s is forever associated with its chief proponent and populariser, Daniel Goleman.
Goleman studied psychology before becoming a journalist. It was when he was reporting on the brain and behavioural sciences for the New York Times that he became interested in new thinking about emotions. When he published his book, Emotional Intelligence: Why it Can Matter More than IQ in 1995, the term entered common parlance.
The work of Goleman and others since then, coupled with a greater acceptance that emotions play a role at work, has only reinforced his central argument: that IQ is not the only measure we should use to assess ability and potential.
Goleman defines EQ as “the ability to identify, assess and control one's own emotions, the emotion of others and that of groups”.
If that sounds a bit hard to get hold of, we’re fortunate that one of Goleman’s greatest contributions has been to define and operationalise what might otherwise be a somewhat elusive idea.
By creating a framework that explores four domains and 12 competencies that comprise what Goleman prefers to call EI, he helps us understand the elements that support us in acting and leading in more emotionally intelligent ways.
Goleman describes the four domains as:
Self-awareness
Self-management
Social awareness
Relationship management.
Like self-awareness itself, EQ has two sides.
The first two domains are Goleman’s “personal” domains, related to what we know about, and how we manage, our own emotions
The second two domains are the “social” domains, related to what we know about others and how we relate to and influence them.
The four domains house 12 “nested competencies”, representing capabilities that support emotionally intelligent leadership, such as adaptability, empathy and teamwork.
The framework asks us to take a good look at ourselves and others – and then act on what we discover. And that means understanding what each of the four domains represents.
Self-awareness is about two things:
understanding our own emotions, knowing our strengths, weaknesses, drives and values.
understanding how our emotions impact on others.
We may know we have a tendency to cut deadlines fine, which makes other team members feel stressed, so we need to plan carefully in advance to counter this.
We may become aware of our need to say yes to every project that comes our way, which sometimes leads to us taking on too much work and letting colleagues down. So we need to work on being able to turn things down.
Noticing the particular personality traits that have the potential to lift us up or ‘derail’ us in our careers is a critical first step for any leader.
Self-awareness is, for Goleman, “the first component of emotional intelligence”.
Self-management asks us to work on our emotional self-control, accepting and handling emotions that have the potential to derail us, marshalling our positive ones and motivating ourselves to achieve.
Instead of yelling at team members when they fluff a presentation, for example, we should consider instead the possible reasons for the failure, explain the consequences and explore solutions.
Emotional self-control has a trickle-down effect. Fewer tantrums at the top mean fewer throughout the organisation, due to the phenomenon of emotional contagion – the transfer of moods between people in a group. No one wants to work with a boss who is volatile and unpredictable.
This doesn’t mean that we should supress or ignore how we’re feeling. Rather, it’s about learning to live in harmony with our emotions, to feel appropriate emotions at appropriate times, and then incorporate them into better decision-making and more effective action.
Self-management is also about being adaptable, able to adjust and shift as circumstances demand, matching our emotions to the situation we find ourselves to achieve what Goleman calls “dynamic resonance”.
And if we were thinking that emotional intelligence is all about being nice, Goleman reminds us that the whole point of EQ is enhanced performance. Self-management helps us to focus on achievement, to look ahead and guide others positively.
Social awareness is about understanding and taking into account how others might be feeling, either as individuals or in groups:
It’s about empathy, the ability to sense other people’s emotions; imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling and respond accordingly.
It’s also about being able to “read the room”, the ability to sense a group’s emotional currents and power relationships, and to identify influencers, networks and dynamics within an organisation.
Its tell-tale signs include thinking about people as individuals, expertise in attracting and retaining talent, an ability to develop others, plus sensitivity to cross-cultural differences. For example:
we may recognise an introverted colleague’s preference for thinking things through quietly before coming to a conclusion, or another person’s need for a significantly higher degree of praise than their peers.
a particularly anxious co-worker may require clearly articulated reasons for any upcoming changes well in advance.
a pitch made to a client in Japan may be a calmer and more conservative affair than an equivalent made to a customer in the US; Japanese culture values modesty and humility, putting an emphasis on politeness and conformity rather than individuality.
Relationship management
All these skills are brought together in relationship management, building rapport with others to bring them along with us. For example:
being able to influence and persuade is far more effective than trying to micromanage and control.
making the most of a healthy amount of debate and dissent that doesn’t tip over into destructive conflict.
coaching and mentoring that enable the trust that underpins all positive relationships.
understanding the factors that build high-performing teams.
For Goleman, it’s EQ that “defines our capacity for relationships”.
Ideally, we’d be masters of all 12 competencies, drawing on our experience and skills as the situation demands.
In reality, we’re much more likely to more naturally attuned to some competencies more than others. For example:
we might be focused on achievement, but a lack of empathy might be getting in the way of bringing others with us.
we might have good emotional self-control, but tend to run a mile when faced with a difficult decision or potential conflict.
The whole point of Goleman’s framework is to help us to identify where we might need to be more intentional and deliberate about building skills that are less natural to us, creating a learning plan that will make us more rounded colleagues and leaders.
The good news is that we can all learn to be more emotionally intelligent, building our skill through practice, persistence and feedback from colleagues or coaches.
However, to do so, we must be motivated, since it takes time, patience and concerted effort to break ingrained habits and create new ones.
Goleman recommends a three-stage process for building our emotional intelligence:
1. Visualise where we want to be in five years’ time as a way to develop our motivation.
This means thinking about role models (either from our work or society more widely) – people we admire, we can learn from and emulate. How might we be more like that colleague who never seems to lose his cool? Or that friend who always seems to be able to read the room when we’re in a group?
2. Gain honest feedback about our strengths and growth opportunities.
We can acquire insight into our everyday impact by staying alert to verbal and non-verbal clues and encouraging dialogue with colleagues when problems arise.
We might ask things like: “what more could I have done to help you?” or “how can I support you better in future?” rather than closing down difficult conversations.
Treating constructive criticism as ‘just another data point’ helps us to take feedback on board without becoming defensive.
3. Find ways to close gaps in our skill set
We could create a learning plan to help us focus on what to change and how.
We need to make an intentional effort to practise the competencies we want to improve, whether that’s becoming a more active listener, living with negative emotions or working on our organisational awareness.
There are lots of techniques to try, for example:
Journaling can aid self-awareness, helping us to keep track of our thoughts, emotions and the reasons behind them.
Learning some deep-breathing exercises to work on our physical intelligence will boost our emotional self-control and help us to keep on an even keel, even when the stakes are high.
Being an active listener, listening to understand the other person’s perspective rather than making judgements or jumping in with our own thoughts, is a pre-cursor to becoming more empathetic.
Building EQ into leadership
Having a personal coach or a trusted colleague to support us through this learning process and to suggest how we might continue to improve can encourage us to keep going.
More than 2,000 years ago, Plato reminded us that “all learning has an emotional base”.
These days, we acknowledge that we don’t leave our emotions at the door when we come to work.
Understanding emotional intelligence – and looking for ways to build it into our leadership practice - can help us to decode and deploy them to best effect.
Explain what Goleman means by his “personal” and “social” EQ domains.
Identify two competencies in Goleman’s relationship management domain.
Identify one of Goleman’s EQ competencies that you might need to be more intentional about.
Use Goleman’s three-stage process to build your practice in this area.