Empathy – the ability to understand another person or group’s perspectives and feelings and respond accordingly – creates the connection that helps us become better leaders.
When automotive pioneer, Henry Ford, said “If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from his angle as well as your own”, he might have been anticipating a suitably empathetic initiative at his company many years in the future.
In recent years, engineers at Ford have been introduced to the ‘empathy belly’, a device that simulates the extra weight and impeded mobility likely to be felt by a pregnant woman.
Strapped into these weighted suits, the engineers get into a car, put on their seatbelts, adjust their mirrors and turn on a range of controls so that they can experience what it feels like to drive one of their cars as an expectant mother.
And the result? Ford is clear that this creative and practical example of empathy in action has led to significant improvements in design, all because those engineers have been better able to empathise with their customers.
It’s an example that encapsulates our deepening understanding of the power of empathy, not just – as might once have been the case – as a feel-good emotion associated with kindness and sensitivity (important as these are).
These days, we’re just as likely to see empathy claimed as a force that can transform not just ourselves and our relationships, but as a key enabler for change, innovation and creative thinking.
The empathy belly, for example, owes a debt of gratitude to product designer and empathy pioneer, Patricia Moore, who, in the 1970s and 1980s, visited hundreds of North American cities in the character of an 85-year-old woman to understand better the obstacles facing elderly people and how they were treated.
As a result, Moore took her product design in a completely different direction, designing a series of innovative products – like kitchen utensils with thick rubber handles designed for arthritic hands – and creating her “empathetic model” based on an understanding that one size doesn’t fit all. Her pioneering work increased awareness of the need to design with empathy for our audiences front of mind.
The philosopher, Roman Krznaric, is firmly in this transformation camp; it’s no coincidence that the sub-title of his book, Empathy, is A Handbook for Revolution.
But before we storm the barricades, by that he means a “revolution of human relationships”, a challenge to prevailing cultures of individualism and self-obsession.
Empathy, he claims, can move us from the twentieth century Age of Introspection to a new Age of Outrospection, where we can find a better balance between looking inwards (like the old-style Ford engineers) and looking outwards (like the Ford engineers who now benefit from exploring the lives and perspectives of other people).
But what exactly is empathy? And, if it’s so powerful, how can we all understand and deploy it at work and beyond?
Emotional intelligence guru Daniel Goleman, who identifies empathy as one of his 12 core EQ competencies, describes empathy as “awareness of others’ feelings, needs and concerns”.
Krznaric’s definition takes this a step further:
“Empathy is the art of stepping imaginatively into the shoes of another person, understanding their feelings and perspectives, and using that understanding to guide your actions."
Empathy vs sympathy
Empathy is not the same as sympathy. Sympathy involves understanding from our own perspective. Feeling pity or being sorry for someone does not involve trying to understand the other person’s point of view.
We might, for example, notice that a colleague looks apprehensive about an upcoming sales pitch. But this is not the same as actively imagining his anxiety and uncertainty and offering some reassurance.
Sympathy might develop into empathy, but not necessarily.
Psychologist Brené Brown defines empathy as “feeling with people”. For her, “empathy fuels connection. Sympathy drives disconnection.”
It’s this potential for connection that makes empathy particularly powerful.
Research increasingly suggests that it’s a workplace characteristic that people look for and value, improving engagement and even performance.
Transformational leaders need empathy in order to show their followers that they care for their needs and achievement.
That’s because a focus on empathy will:
Strengthen working relationships and connection
Actively looking to understand our colleagues builds rapport, boosts trustworthiness and creates the connection we need to build positive relationships.
Improve communication
Empathy helps us to adapt our communication style to the person or group we’re interacting with. It also helps us to be better attuned to tone of voice and body language – our own and others.
Boost creative thinking
We’ve already seen that walking in the shoes of our customers helps us to develop more creative ideas.
Understanding a product or service from the recipient’s point of view can help us to identify challenges or opportunities we hadn’t thought of before and be more willing to experiment with new solutions.
Enhance stakeholder relations
Empathy helps us a better understand the motivations of our current and future stakeholders, whether colleagues, clients, customers, suppliers or investors.
Finding out what’s important to them means that we can anticipate and appeal to their needs. Being open, showing interest - for example, letting an unhappy customer tell us all the details of their experience before responding - shows them we value what they have to say. People who feel valued are more likely to be engaged and motivated.
Support diversity and inclusion
Empathy encourages us to embrace and foster different ideas, perspectives, strengths and weaknesses to build better teams and organisations.
The idea of empathy is not new. But recent advances in neuroscience, evolutionary biology and psychology suggest that we might be hard-wired for it.
We are, in fact, what Krznaric calls “Homo empathicus”, naturally attuned to others rather than just being the self-centred, self-interested creatures imagined by the likes of philosopher Thomas Hobbes or psychologist Sigmund Freud.
But just being psychologically attuned to how others are feeling is not enough on its own.
Empathy can have a dark side if it’s not combined with a more deliberate, compassionate response – to take action, to offer help and support.
Simply identifying with those who are close to us might even lead to a sense of exclusivity, heightening feelings of difference and creating more division than unity.
Fortunately, empathy can also be the spark that ignites compassion – as suggested by Krznaric’s definition above.
But that needs us to move from an automatic response to something more considered and intentional.
It helps to understand that psychologists have identified three types of empathy:
1. Cognitive empathy
2. Emotional empathy
3. Compassionate empathy
Cognitive empathy, also known as ‘perspective-taking’, is being able to put yourself into someone else’s place, and see their perspective. It means understanding their mental state and what they might be thinking or feeling in response to a situation (like that anxious colleague ahead of his sale pitch).
But it doesn’t necessarily mean that we are emotionally engaged.
And because cognitive empathy is (mainly) emotionally neutral, it can be used for negative purposes, for example, manipulating others who might be vulnerable.
Emotional empathy involves the ability to understand another person's emotions; it’s sometimes considered to be a form of emotional contagion. In some cases, people can physically experience what another person is feeling. For example, if we see someone is embarrassed, we might start to blush ourselves; if someone injures themselves, we’ll wince too.
Emotional empathy can be both a positive and a negative. On the plus side, readily understanding and feeling others’ emotions helps to us to respond to people when they are distressed.
But it’s also possible for us to become overwhelmed by those emotions, making us unable to respond. This is known as empathy overload. We may need to muster our self-control to manage how we respond in these situations.
Compassionate empathy is about feeling someone’s pain and responding empathetically. We not only understand a person’s situation cognitively and feel with them; we also respond appropriately and move to help if necessary.
If a colleague is having a hard time and needs our empathy, just understanding how they’re feeling (cognitive empathy) is unlikely to be enough.
On its own, cognitive empathy keeps us at a distance from the other person. To truly connect, as Brene Brown reminds us, we need to share their feelings.
For example, Ford’s engineers would most likely have understood, on an intellectually level, that driving a car while pregnant might be a different, even difficult, experience. But that alone did not encourage them to make design modifications.
However, our troubled colleague doesn’t need us just to feel their pain or, worse, to burst into tears alongside them.
Instead, we need to find the right balance between the rational and the emotional.
People with high levels of compassionate empathy are skilled at understanding a situation from another person’s perspective and responding with compassion.
So, while our brains may be wired for empathy, that doesn’t mean that we’re all highly empathetic. Taking the time to properly connect with others is a conscious decision. It takes practice before it becomes more intuitive.
In the run-up to the 2008 US presidential election, Barack Obama made empathy one of his key campaign themes.
He talked of an “empathy deficit”, a culture where we lack the ability – or willingness – to put ourselves in other’s shoes and to see the world through the eyes of people who are different from us.
The results – everything from narcissism to intolerance to poor relationships – are equally damaging for society, organisations and individuals.
On the other hand, when we embrace empathy, when we really understand the plight of others, “it becomes harder not to act; harder not to help”.
The deficit, though, can be hard to overcome. To understand empathy fully, we also need to be aware of what can get in the way.
Empathy is not always an easy choice
As we’ve seen, effective empathy is a choice. It requires time and effort. Perspective taking can also ask us to recall or reflect on feelings that are uncomfortable, making us feel vulnerable.
Choosing not to engage or being sympathetic rather than empathetic can feel less challenging in the short term – but it’s not the best long-term, relationship-building strategy.
We have a tendency to want to fix everything
The need to respond that’s implicit in compassionate empathy does not mean that we should rush in and try to fix the other person’s problems for them.
Empathy is about simply to acknowledge another person or group’s feelings, connecting with them and to helping them feel that they’re not alone in solving a problem. It’s not about rushing to solutions, trying to fix that problem for them.
We make assumptions and have biases
The way we perceive the world is influenced by our assumptions and cognitive biases, whether consciously or not.
They can make it difficult to see all the factors that contribute to a situation. They also make it less likely that we’ll be able to see a situation from someone else’s perspective.
We may find it particularly challenging to empathise with people who are different from us.
We rush to judgement
Judging or stereotyping stifle empathy. Not giving people the benefit of the doubt or failing to listen to their whole story, is unlikely to create the connection empathy needs to thrive.
Fortunately, despite these barriers, empathy is a human skill like any other. If we are aware of its power – in Krznaricterms, “switch on” our empathetic brains – and we make efforts to build it into our practice, we can all become more empathetic.
Future Talent Learning has identified five core techniques to help us build our empathy practice:
1. Build self-awareness
2. Be curious, interested and imaginative
3. Listen to understand
4. Respond empathetically
5. Adopt a regular empathy practice
They’re techniques designed to make empathy a reality on the ground.
Empathy can be something of an elusive concept. But it’s essential for emotionally intelligent leadership and that’s why it’s important to get to grips with it.
The psychologist, Simon Baron-Cohen, claims that “empathy is like a universal solvent. Any problem immersed in empathy becomes soluble”.
Understanding what empathy is, its power and pitfalls and what it means in practice might not lead to Krznaric’s revolution. But there’s every chance that we’ll become better, more connected leaders as a result.
Explain how empathy and sympathy are different.
Outline three benefits of empathy.
Identify the three types of empathy.
Consider your personal barriers to empathy and practice using FTL's five core techniques to hone your empathy.