Our internal critic can be harsh – to ourselves and others – but there are ways to keep it in check, writes consultant and author Dorie Clarke.
Our inner critic may be fuelled by the simultaneous belief that we are both better than others – and less than them. Both feelings are energised by harshness and contempt.
Feeling that we’re not enough – especially at work – is painful. And while believing that we are superior to others may feel good on the surface, it can undermine our relationships and limit our ability to learn and grow. It skews our ability to make sound decisions, puts the people we work with on their guard and erodes engagement, trust and honesty.
Here are three steps we can take to diminish our inner critic and improve our wellbeing and performance as a result:
1. Press pause.
Simply by becoming aware of the contemptuous banter nattering away in our head and interrogating our thoughts, we can begin to question or silence our inner critic.
‘Pressing pause’ is about listening consciously to our internal commentary. After all, awareness is the first step in achieving any behaviour change.
2. Be compassionate.
Replace harsh judgement with a degree of compassion. Our goal is to return to a more balanced mindset where we can treat ourselves and others with kindness and respect.
Studies show that people who practise self-compassion are happier, more optimistic and less anxious and depressed.
3. Grow curious.
Consider what you might not be seeing or understanding.
What might this person have to teach us and what might we be able to learn by considering the situation from their perspective? What strengths do we bring and what might the other person be able to take away from our point of view?
Curiosity is a key skill for all leaders.
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