Communication is a core part of leadership – and it involves understanding the non-verbal signals that we give (and are given by others).
In a now-famous TED Talk, psychologist Amy Cuddy introduced us to the ‘power pose’.
The idea is that adopting a physical stance that makes us feel ‘big’ or powerful can also make us feel and behave with more authority, which, in turn, leads to better outcomes.
Exhorting us to “fake it until we become it” has not been without its problems for Cuddy since then, but the idea of using our posture in this way is an interesting example of the relationship between our physical and mental states and the crucial role played by body language when we communicate – whether we’re on transmit or receive.
When management guru Peter F Drucker suggested that "the most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said", he was reminding us that the positive behaviours we need for communication are not just about the words we use and how we use them, but also about the non-verbal signals we give – our body language.
Get them right, and we’re well on the way to putting people at their ease, building trust and connecting (research has even suggested that using a few simple hand gestures can make a difference when it comes to persuasion). Get them wrong and we can confuse, offend or undermine what we want to convey.
Body language is a shorthand for a range of non-verbal signals that we use to communicate our feelings and intentions.
It is a vital form of communication, but because much of happens below the level of conscious awareness, it can be hard to get to grips with it.
To start with, it makes sense to understand the different types of non-verbal communication we all use all of the time, whether we do so knowingly or not. Here are some of the most common.
Facial expressions
Facial expressions are a central part of body language and how we express emotion. They often involve multiple non-verbal signs in combination: how we move our eyes, eyebrows, lips, nose and cheeks.
Often, facial expressions are easy to read. A smile generally indicates approval or happiness; a frown is less positive. But that’s not universally true; we may be putting a “brave face” on a difficult situation when a smile doesn’t really reflect how we’re feeling. Or we may say we’re fine, but the look on our face suggests otherwise.
So, we need to interpret facial expressions with care. There are, though, some commonly accepted things to look out for, for example:
Chewing on the bottom lip may indicate anxiety, stress or worry
Pursed lips are generally an indicator of distaste or disapproval
People might cover their mouths when they want to hide an emotional reaction
A raised eyebrow might indicate surprise, doubt or disbelief.
Posture and body movement
Posture is about how we hold our bodies.
As Amy Cuddy has taught us, posture can convey a wealth of information about how we’re feeling and whether a person is confident and open, submissive or hostile.
For example, sitting up straight usually indicates that we’re focused and paying attention.
An open posture involves keeping the trunk of our bodies open and exposed. It indicates friendliness, openness, and a willingness to engage.
Closed posture involves hiding the trunk of our bodies often by hunching forward and keeping our arms and legs crossed. It can betray hostility or unfriendliness – but also anxiety and worry.
Gestures
Gestures are movements made with body parts: hands, arms, fingers, head or legs. They may be voluntary or involuntary.
They are often some of the most direct and obvious non-verbal signals. When we nod our heads, shrug our shoulders, wave or point, most people will understand what we mean.
Beware, though, that gestures may be open to different interpretation depending on culture and situation. For example, a clenched fist may signify anger in some situations; solidarity in others; a V-for-victory peace sign may be misinterpreted in some countries if our hands are facing the wrong way; a thumbs-up is not a universally positive sign.
Crossing our arms can indicate defensiveness or self-protection. Crossing our legs away from another person may indicate dislike or discomfort with that person or simply that we feel in need of some privacy.
Our hands can also betray how we’re feeling. Relaxed hands indicate confidence and self-assurance. If someone is wringing their hands, they’re likely to be nervous or anxious. Tapping our fingers rapidly can be a sign that we’re bored, impatient or frustrated.
Use open hand gestures indicate a willingness to communicate and share ideas, which might be especially useful when running a meeting or presenting.
Eye contact
Maintaining eye contact shows interest, attention, confidence and honesty - but be aware that prolonged eye contact can feel threatening.
When we break eye contact and avert our gaze, it may betray that we’re distracted, uncomfortable or trying to conceal how we’re really feeling.
Blinking is natural, but we tend to blink more rapidly when we’re distressed or uncomfortable. Less frequent blinking may indicate that we’re intentionally trying to control our eye movements. For example, a poker player might blink less to maintain that ‘poker’ face to keep the other players guessing.
Haptics (touch)
Haptics is the study of touching and how it is used in communication.
At work, touch might involve things like handshakes, back slapping, high fives or patting someone - all of which have meaning. How appropriate it is to deploy any of these forms of touching will depend on the context, the situation and the people involved.
A handshake is usually considered an appropriate way to greet someone in a work situation. Colleagues who know each other well might high five or even hug each other when something goes well. But, in other circumstances, touching will indicate a meaning that may be clear, but is also unacceptable.
Touch needs to be used with caution.
Proxemics (use of personal space)
Proxemics is about the distance between people when we interact.
The term was coined by anthropologist Edward T. Hall, who described four levels of social distance that occur in different situations.
His first category - an intimate 6 -18 inches - is unlikely to be appropriate at work.
His personal distance of 1.5 to 4 feet might feel right for colleagues we know well, but we might want to keep more of a social distance (4 to 12 feet) for mere acquaintances.
His public distance of 12 to 25 feet will be right for events like presentations of town meetings.
Like gestures, acceptable levels of personal space vary in different cultures, and depending on context.
As with haptics, an awareness of when we might be invading people’s personal space will help us to use this particular kind of body language in positive, rather than negative ways.
Body language can strongly affect how we are perceived by others and how we interpret other people’s motivation, mood or openness.
Consider, for example, that colleague who is slouched in his seat and always seems to be looking down at his phone during Zoom calls. His body language suggests that he is bored or disengaged and from that we’ll be tempted to assume all kinds of emotions and motivations.
It’s important, then, that we understand both the potential and pitfalls of what are often unconscious cues and behaviours. We need to become more conscious about their effects, so that we can interpret non-verbal signs in others and be more intentional about using them positively ourselves.
According to Edward G. Wertheim, author of The Importance of Effective Communication, there are five main effects that non-verbal communication can have:
1. Repetition. It can reinforce a verbal message.
2. Contradiction. It can contradict the message.
3. Substitution. It can substitute for a verbal message.
4. Complementing. It can add to, or complement, a verbal message.
5. Accenting. It can help to emphasise a certain point in a message.
It’s easy to see how sending out non-verbal signals that don’t match what we’re saying might suggest to the listener that we may not be telling the truth (contradiction), or that a facial expression can often tell us more than words ever could (substitution).
Conversely, a confident handshake (accenting), leaning in and giving people our full attention (complementing), managing our facial expressions (repetition) – and, yes, even that authoritative posture (perhaps not the full power pose) can help us to use our body language more positively.
Like so many other things in leadership, the first step to mastering body language is to pay attention to it, to become more aware of what it is and how powerful it can be. Through practice, we can then learn to pick up on other people’s physical cues as well as using our own.
Once we know what these signals mean, we can react accordingly. For example, we might want to reflect on what’s really behind our colleague’s Zoom-based slouching. He may not really be bored but instead feels uncomfortable having to communicate virtually. Understanding that will help us to find different ways of involving and including him.
We can also use non-verbal signals to reinforce what we say. If we want to put people at their ease, we can adopt an open posture and maintain the right level of eye contact; we can smile and nod to show that we’re paying attention; we can make sure we’re not fidgeting or otherwise showing that we’re not really present.
On a personal level, body language can also help us to stay calm in high-stakes situations like difficult conversations, negotiations or performance interviews. Things like relaxing our bodies, assuming the right posture, keeping our hands still and avoiding unfortunate facial expressions will all help to keep us on an even keel.
All in all, we’d be well advised to learn from Mae West who, with characteristic wit, said: “I speak two languages, Body and English.”
Outline why an open body posture might be more positively perceived that a closed posture.
Explain what is meant by the term ‘proxemics’.
Consider Edward G. Wertheim five effects of non-verbal communication. How might awareness of these help you to use your body language more positively?